Monster announced the Gratitude In-Ear Headphones
translation: 'earphones'
...created in alliance with legendary band Earth, Wind & Fire...
translation: we gave EW&F some money.
specifically engineered and tuned to faithfully reproduce the true harmonics of live music and the sonic details of each musical instrument, resulting in a more natural and vibrant audio experience.
translation: other earphones faithlessly reproduce false harmonics. Reproducing 'live' music somehow has a different set of requirements from reproducing 'recorded' music.
They boast a specially engineered noise isolation architecture
translation: You jam them in your ear canal like every other isolation earphone.
that results in superior audiophile sound with the ability to reproduce detailed harmonic soundscapes.
Translation: we're just making shit up by this point.
Key Monster innovations that contribute to their natural sound
Translation: you don't want unnatural sound, right? What are you, a robot?
and help listeners truly get "inside the music,"
translation: more meaningless phrases. FFS, don't actually give us specifications like frequency response WITH DEVIATION or anything useful.
include a new Monster design that allows the earpiece to rest more comfortably and deeper within the wearer's ear canal
translation: shove this plastic thing into your ear
enabling a perfect fit, superior isolation and ultimate performance.
translation: ULTIMATE performance. To the extreme.
With 'Gratitude,' we aimed to capture the unique passion, feel and experience of the band with headphones that will reproduce the sounds of real music, not synthesized sample or tracks created purely in the studio. These headphones are specifically tuned to produce the signature tones and harmonics of brass, the staccato punch of the percussion, the cleanest possible bass and the most natural vocals.
translation: blah blah blah this is for 'real' music made on 'real' instruments by 'real' people. Not 'fake' music made by fake people because 'real' audio has magical qualities that require special earphones.
